You can't special order awesome
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
