you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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