would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
