hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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