In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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