Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
