thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize