If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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