The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
