I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
