watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize