You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
