Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
