How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
