it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
