Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i now understand why vodka
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
