Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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