I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
