he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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