Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
