Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
