Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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