I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
