After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
