So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
