Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
