you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
