i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
