I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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