They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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