its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
