My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize