My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
be right there i have to get my cape
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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