I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
