Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
