If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
