you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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