Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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