I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
