i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
