Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
