So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize