i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
