Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
