Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
