just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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