He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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