I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
