I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
