Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
