i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
