Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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