The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
