they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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