Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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