Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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