if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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