I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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