I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
