we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
