i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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