I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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