and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
