You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
how drunk are you?
Several
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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