you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
