you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
