I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
