i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
