I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
