I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
