We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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