I puked a lego.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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