Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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