He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize