decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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