At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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