you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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