she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
