I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
