So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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