I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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